just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
