She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
