@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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