Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
