Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
