just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
