Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
