Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
