Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
