Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize