we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
