Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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