Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
