Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
