I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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