I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is in my trunk
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
