this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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