so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
