if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
