we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
