some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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