I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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