i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
