i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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