Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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