I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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