Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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