You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
