Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
