Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
