Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
