i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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