Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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