I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
