i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
