I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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