ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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