I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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