Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
