Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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