If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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