I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
