The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
