This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had sex on a roof
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
