I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
