my sisters under your porch take her home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
