How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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