1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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