absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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