Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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