He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
