So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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