I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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