He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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