I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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