I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
