how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
