It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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