Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
